ROAR

Mama, you are a lioness! You are a powerful, glorious, birthing goddess and your strength can move mountains. Stand in your power. Sing, moan, yell, rock, dance, squat-- follow your body's lead. Rip your hospital gown off and dance on the exam table if that's what you feel called to do. You are a volcano and sunshine. Beautiful. Powerful. And about to do the hardest job on earth. Let it all out mama!  Connect with the infinite source of strength within you and ROAR!!! 

WELCOME

I've been working on a logo for a wonderful midwife-- birth workers are my favorite clients because I get to paint what I'm most passionate about!

ZEN

"The power and intensity of your contractions cannot be stronger than you, because it is you" - Unknown

Birth can be our greatest meditation-- the most intense and demanding experience of surrender. When we give in to the waves and rushes-- when we allow ourselves to become one with them-- we also become one with our own strength. Our bodies instinctively know how to birth-- our hardest job is to give in to that knowledge, to quiet our mind and let our body take the lead. 

There is a state in birth where we seem to disappear--we become one with the energy of the moment and the infinite chain of birthing mothers. We are both deeply inside ourselves and also floating somewhere above, witness to the unfolding events. 

CROWN

Crowning. "The ring of fire" as it's commonly known. For me, this stage of labor was the most powerful physical sensation of my life. Squatting at the end of my bed, I felt my son's head emerge, and in that moment, it felt as though the whole universe was rushing through me. More than the pain, I remember the feeling of awe. The pressure was intense-- but I didn't feel like I was splitting open or pushing through fire (the stitches that I needed afterwards are a different story....) Instead, it seemed as though time stopped and my baby and I were suspended in a moment between two worlds.

Recalling that moment of birth, I began thinking-- what if we replace fear with curiosity? Rather than fearing "the ring of fire" (or any part of birth), we can choose to be open to the new experience. It might be painful, but it might also be the most powerful, beautiful experience of your life.

<< TEN MOONS >>

My newest creation-- <<TEN MOONS~ a meditation journal for pregnancy, birth, and postpartum>> has been birthed and is now available for preorder through our Etsy shop! It's so exciting to finally hold this journal in my hand, after many months of dreaming and creating it. 

This journal is a collaboration with Sandra Maurer from Whole Beginnings and was created from our desire to provide inspiration and soulful guidance to women during their motherhood journey. While carrying my boys in my belly, I felt more in tune with my inner self and spirit than at any other point in my life. I found myself journaling and drawing frequently- recording my thoughts and the changes my body was experiencing. Shortly after Koa was born, I began dreaming about creating a journal for other women-- space and inspiration to dive into the journey of pregnancy on a deeper level. And so, Ten Moons was born!!

This softcover journal features 100 pages of inspiration. Inside you will find:

-writing prompts to encourage your exploration 

-powerful mantras to connect you to your inner strength

-blank pages to record all of your thoughts and feelings

-coloring pages to release your creativity

-guided meditations to help you journey within

-and inspiring images to fill you with joy

The journal features three guided meditations to help cultivate peace during your pregnancy. 

There are three coloring pages throughout the journal, for fun, creative meditation,

I've included some of my favorite paintings throughout the journal, to reflect the beauty of the pregnant and birthing form-- and remind you that you are a beautiful goddess!

Each page features a powerful mantra to connect you with your inner strength. 

Special pages throughout the journal help you create a birth plan, make preparations for the postpartum period, release fears/stories you have around birth, and record your birth story.

<< NEW PIECES- NOVEMBER >>

With the holidays rapidly approaching, I haven't found much time to paint-- but these three goddess mamas were born last month. 

<< GUIDED MEDITATION FOR BIRTH >>

 After a long, wild day of final tweaks and editing (with a baby on my lap and an energetic four year old running circles around the dining room table), I finally sent the pregnancy journal off to the printer! I'm so excited to have a hard copy in my hand, and to be able to share it with the world.

In celebration of finally finishing this project, I wanted to share one of the guided meditations included in the journal--- and, another coloring page that you can print out!

Enjoy beautiful mamas!

                                                                      ~ Birth Meditation~

Find a quiet space and take a moment to get comfortable. Calm your mind and concentrate on taking deep, slow breaths. Place your hands over your belly and feel the energy of you baby inside.

As you inhale, feel your body filling with strength. Each breath centers you and connects you with the power at the core of your being. As you exhale, imagine your baby moving forward towards a bright, gentle light. The energy of your body is bringing your little one into the world. With each breath  in, you grow stronger and more centered. Letting go of your breaths, you release your fears and call your baby forward. Focus on the sensations in your body-- imagine any tension dissolving and flowing from your body as you breath out. Visualize your baby coming into the world surrounded by love.

<< BIRTH ALTER >>

I'm so excited to launch a few new products in our shop, including birth prayer flags (above) and birth affirmation cards (below.) During my own labors, I focused on a painting that a friend had given me of a mother lifting up her child.  Having a visual focal point to concentrate on (when my eyes were open) helped me feel centered-- it grounded me in the present. I was inspired to create something that would help other women through their labors in the same way-- and birth flags came to mind. 

NEW PIECES// SEPTEMBER

NEW PIECES// AUGUST

As August comes to an end (how did that happen!?) I thought I'd share some of my favorite pieces created this month. I'm still riding the birth waves-- dreaming of that powerful, sacred energy and the gorgeous goddess mamas that embody it. 

WEATHERING THE STORM

I didn't manage to get any pictures of Koa's birth, so instead, I've been trying to capture the sensations and experiences of it through painted images.

 Alexis was my rock during the hard stage of active labor. My focus was inward and I was alone in my body with the contractions, but having my man next to me to lean on and support me, provided tremendous strength and relief. 

<<She road in the boat of her body/ the hardest work was hers alone- to be one with the water as it rushed forward with new life/ But he was her anchor- holding her steady as the waves rose and fell/ And together they weathered the storm >>

HOME BIRTH OF KOA ARAN

It's taken me almost 2 months to find the time to get Koa's birth story down on paper, but here it is! Thank you in advance if you make it to the end. :)

On Saturday morning, I took Tai (my four year old) to the farmers market and then the children’s museum. We got home around 1:15, and as I turned around in my seat to unbuckle his carseat, I felt a gush down my skirt. I sat in the car for a few minutes, taking it all in. I had convinced myself that the baby wasn’t coming for another week, so I was in total shock. I called my midwife and she informed me that I had until 7:30 the next morning to deliver the baby at home-- due to regulations around home birth. I started feeling very scared about the idea of delivering in the hospital, but tried to stay calm and positive.

I spent the next couple of hours cleaning the house and readying the birth supplies. Slowly, I began to notice a slight crampy feeling in my lower abdomen. I kept puttering and cleaning—hung up some twinkly lights in the bedroom and had a snack. Little by little, the cramps turned into gentle contractions. I spent the next few hours sitting on my bed, watching a movie on my laptop (and painting my toenails :) Since Tai was born on Mother’s day, I thought it would be awesome to have a Father’s day baby as well, so I was trying to keep labor slow in order to make it past midnight.

My body had a very different plan and the contractions continued to pick up in intensity and closeness pretty quickly. I took a hot shower and tried to relax, but by 7:00 pm, it was obvious that I was getting close to having the baby. Alexis sat with me through a few contractions and after watching me try to breath through them, he said, “I think it’s time to call the midwife.”

My midwife and her assistant arrived at 7:30 (along with my 4 best friends and my mom. My brother and Alexis’s best friend were also in the house and my sister was driving home from TX.) The midwives sat with me on my bed, took my vitals, and used the Doppler to check baby’s heartbeat. Tai and Alexis sat on the bed with me—holding my hands through contractions and giving me kisses on my cheeks. After a bit (I lost track of time…) things started to get more intense—the contractions were right on top of one another—and I was feeling really heavy, so Alexis took Tai downstairs to my mom and the midwives left us to labor alone for a bit.

A few minutes after everyone had left the room, I started to feel like pushing. It wasn’t a strong bodily urge (I haven’t felt that with either of my labors) just a conscious acknowledgment that it was time to get the baby out and that I had to push in order to do that. I called the midwives back in, and began to push, leaning back against the headboard of the bed. After a few contractions in that position, I moved onto my knees, resting against the headboard. I began to feel tired and really frustrated-- I felt like I wasn’t making any progress in either position. It felt like my body had forgotten how to push a baby out, and I began to get very discouraged. I'd been so excited about labor, but in the midst of it, I just wanted to get it over with!

 The midwife suggested I change positions again, so I got up and squatted on the floor at the foot of my bed. Alexis sat beside me and the midwife knelt behind me. Immediately, I felt stronger-- gravity was on my side! After only two pushes, I felt Koa’s head ready to emerge. I pushed through the “ring of fire” and his head was out, followed by his body with the next push—at exactly 9:30 pm.

 Koa cried right away—the most beautiful noise in the world!! The midwife passed him up to me between my legs and I held him to my belly—his cord was too short to get him any higher. I was totally in awe, flooded with instant love, and so glad to be done with labor! We had hoped to postpone cord cutting for as long as possible, but in order to get Koa to my chest, Alexis had to cut it. The midwives got me settled in bed  and began cleaning and stitching me up, while I got Koa latched on to my breast. Like his brother, Koa was a pro at nursing and latched on right away.

After the bleeding was under control and I was all stitched up, my mom, Tai, my girlfriends, and my sister (who’d arrived from Texas during my labor) all came in to meet Koa. We spent the next few hours in bed, surrounded by family and friends, soaking up our new little one. I couldn't have asked for a more peaceful, beautiful birth! 

37 WEEKS

37 weeks. 3 to go until my due date. The final stretch.

These last few months of pregnancy are bittersweet for me. I'm so excited and anxious to meet our new babe-- to feel soft baby hair against my cheek and to finally snuggle the little being inside me. But I know I'll also miss being pregnant. I'll miss the way I feel so grounded-- connected to the earth and a greater life force. I'll miss the rolling waves in my belly-- the security of holding my child safe within my womb. I'm doing my best to stay present for these next few weeks-- to soak up the sensations and feelings of pregnancy that I treasure so much while also preparing myself for the transition ahead. 

33 WEEKS

With Tai's birthday only a few days away, birth and motherhood are on my mind even more than ever (which basically means I'm thinking of nothing else...) It's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that I'll have a new baby in my arms in less than two months. My brain is still so centered in this pregnancy-- in savoring the rolling movements inside me-- that the end result often slips past. But our house is slowly beginning to look like baby-land again--- diapers pulled out of storage, little mattress set up next to our bed, tiny infant clothes folded and put away in drawers. 

 Despite the sore hips and extra weight, pregnancy feels so natural in my body.  I feel grounded and charged with the energy of new life. I've been doing my best to soak up these final weeks (while also keeping up with work and prepping for the birth and babe)-- decorating my belly and taking lots of pictures. 

WHY BIRTH MATTERS

Natural birth is a topic that I feel passionately about and after sharing Tai's birth story, I wanted to dig a little deeper into the experience and share why is was so influential to me.

“Imagine what might happen if women emerged from their labor beds with a renewed sense of the strength and power of their bodies, and of their capacity for ecstasy through giving birth.” — Dr. Christiane Northrup

As women, we're constantly sent the subtle message that our bodies aren't good enough-- that we can't bring our babies into the world without drugs and/or surgery. Few of us ever get the opportunity to witness a real birth in person. Our only perceptions of birth comes from movies and TV shows-- where it's shown to be a crisis situation-- the birthing mother flat on her back in a hospital bed, screaming hysterically while doctors and nurses shout at her to push. We almost never see birth being presented as beautiful right of passage-- and without first hand experience, we never get to feel the magical energy surrounding birth.

I'm grateful that my mom instilled in me trust in my body and in my ability to birth babies. In recounting our birth stories (something she did every year on our birthdays) my mom never once used the word "pain" to describe her experience. She talked about the strong sensations, followed by incredible joy that marked the births of my brother, sister, and me.  Thankfully, the popular belief that birth is scary, painful, and unbearable, never penetrated my psyche too deeply. Rather than fear it,  I looked forward to Tai's birth as an opportunity to see what my body was capable of. I wanted to feel--to be present and aware of each rush as my baby came into the world. While the contractions  were not "enjoyable," I knew that each one was doing a job. Unlike the pain of a cut or a broken bone, labor pains are productive-- each contraction means that your body is opening and preparing to bring the baby down. As long as I focused on that fact, I found the pain of my contractions didn't overwhelm me.

 Like many people I know, I've spent a good portion of my life trying to escape pain-- both physical and emotional. I became very good at tuning out, running away, and hiding from any sensation that made me the least bit uncomfortable. Finally, through the (sporadic) yoga and meditation practices I started in my late teens, I began to grasp the concept that pain can open doors for us-- that some of our most powerful growth can happen when we stay present in our discomfort. Tai's birth was the deepest, most beautiful demonstration of this for me. At the peak of my labor, as the contractions crashed, one on top of another, I went deeper into myself than I'd ever been. A primal force controlled my body, and I knew that trying to run or hide away in my thoughts was no use. There was no way to "escape"-- fighting the contractions only made them worse and I realized my only way out was to surrender to my body and the intense sensations washing over me.

I was able to surrender to the experience because I wasn't afraid-- I had been given the incredible gift of trust in body-- passed down to me from my own mother, and from wise women in the books I read and researched. I went into labor trusting that my body was created to birth babies and that it knew what to do.
And,  I brought my son into the world, free of any drugs or pain medication, in the beauty of our bedroom.

My hope is that more women can reclaim trust in their bodies that we begin to question the medical model of birth that so often convinces to be afraid of this beautiful, natural process.

*Note-- my intention in this piece is not to judge or criticize ANY mother for her birth choices. I realize that we all walk different paths and that how/where we birth is an incredibly personal decision.

TAI"S BIRTH

Ever since Tai was born, I've been meaning to record his birth story.  The details of that day swim around in my head, never far from my thoughts. Now that I find myself waiting on the steps of another birth, another baby, it seems like a good time to finally sit down and put our story onto paper.

I always find that birth stories start farther back than the actual day of the birth. As mothers, we circle around the event, weaving in all of the pieces of our lives at the time and setting the scene for the moment our lives change forever. So, like any good birth story, Tai's begins the day before his actual birth.

On Saturday, May 8th, I had my first day of"maternity leave."  My due date had come and gone, but since I was feeling great, I decided to keep working. In hindsight, I think I stayed busy at work because I wasn't quite ready to let go of being pregnant-- I wasn't ready yet to bring Tai into the world. Saturday finally brought a day of rest, and I spent the day deep in thought and creation. I finished a painting I had started for the baby, and spent hours at my laptop, writing. I poured my soul out on paper-- recording my journey up to that point.  My pregnancy had been very easy physically, but emotionally, a rollercoaster-- and all sorts of feelings were bottled up inside me.

After typing for hours, I finally felt that I had released everything that had been blocking me.
As I stood over the sink, washing dishes in the soft light of the early summer evening,  I felt a question pour over me. Whether it came from my mind, my body, or a higher power, I don't know, but the message was clear--are you ready? And finally, I was able to respond with confidence-- yes.

I went out that night with three of my closest friends, and we spent hours catching up, laughing, and connecting over spicy red chile and mocha ice cream cake. I joked that the caffeine and chile would be sure to get labor started....and I was right.

The next morning, Mother's day, I woke up early and knew that I would meet my baby that day. I sent Alexis off to work because I wanted the house to myself-- I didn't want anyone waiting around for labor to start. I tidied up our bedroom, did some laundy, and asked my brother to take me to the grocery store, since I didn't feel safe driving. As I finished shopping, I noticed that the cramps I had felt in the morning were now steadier and stronger. I remember standing at the check out counter as a strong contraction washed over me--- I had to focus all my energy on listening to the cashier and smiling politely while my body tightened intensely. At 12:30pm, my brother dropped me off at home, and as soon as he left, the contractions picked up. I began to feel that I was slipping away--- into myself and another realm. I called my two best friends, the midwife, and Alexis, and crawled onto our mattress to wait. By the time my "team" arrived, I was well into active labor-- losing myself to the contractions and coming back into awareness briefly between them. I saw Alexis and my friend K rapidly trying to set up the birthing pool, until the midwife explained that this baby was on its way. Alexis joined me on the bed, holding me as I labored on all fours.  I don't remember much during the pushing phase but I know that it was relatively short. I was somewhere deep inside myself, where time and reality didn't exist. The next words I remember came from my midwife, "stand back everyone, there's going to be a splash." Through the intensity, I remember laughing to myself, wondering if we were suddenly at Sea World. I didn't understand at all what she was talking about. And the next moment, 3:09, 3 hours after my labor began, Tai came into the world-- still in his amniotic sac.

<<I later learned that few babies are born in the water sac-- or the caul, as it's known-- and that many cultures consider this to be very special and auspicious. Since most doctors manually rupture the amniotic sac if it doesn't break on its own, babies born in the caul are very rare these days.>>

Tai was put on my chest as Alexis cut his umbilical cord, and after a few loud cries, he became quiet-- looking around the room. Within a few minutes he had latched onto my breast, and we lay in bed, as the room around buzzed with an incredible, excstatic energy. The midwife and her assistant worked on cleaning me up (I needed a few stitches due to Tai's quick arrival) while Alexis and I soaked up our baby-- high on endorphins and pure love.